Selfie Satisfaction!

Below are some pictures where I thought I looked really overweight. Looking back at them now I feel sad for the old me. And also wish I could go back to being that slim – I know that’s the bulimia talking though.

Hindsight’s a beautiful but there’s nothing I can do about it now. I’ve kept them in a “recovery” folder on my phone as a reflection. But I never know if they make me feel better or worse?

Dont get me wrong, I don’t think I look scarily thin in any of them. But it’s the fact that I KNOW how my mental state was at that point and why I was so thin. They’re all at different points throughout my ED. Also, the fact I’m smiling in the majority, my biggest lesson through this ordeal has been to never judge someone by what they look like!

I’ve gone through highs and low. Where I’ve been so skinny that my mum thought I was dying, my dad wouldn’t let me see other family members and rehab wouldn’t let me walk anywhere alone- at this point I thought I was so fat that I refused to take any pictures.That’s body dysmorphia for you though! But then i’ve also gone up to a weight were i’ve been told i could do with loosing some weight, looking a bit plump or like i have a bit of ‘extra’ on me. …. just writing that gets me so angry at the fact that there are people out there who think it’s okay to comment on someone else’s appearance…. hun, we weren’t born with eating disorders, get with the programme you know?

Sorry for the mass of photos! I used to get weighed twice every week. Once at my doctors and once at rehab. Even when I’d had a huge binge, my weight fluctuates but always stays around the same sort of mark. But for anyone who has an ED you’ll understand that just putting on 1pound can make you feel like an absaloute monster!

I have a pair on Mom jeans that I’m wearing in a few of these pictures. Now obviously we all know that every high street shops sizes are messseddd up! BUT they’re a size 6! I’d always judge my weight gain & loss on weather or not I could fit into them.

Sometimes they’d be super loose and I’d need a belt. Other times I couldn’t even get them over my bum. The times when they were loose, I felt like I could take on the world. But when they were tight, I felt like just getting back into bed and hiding away from the world 🌎

Let me know if you have a recovery folder or any pictures that you look back on now and make you feel sad! 😔

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