End of an Era

Yesterday I was discharged from rehab. I’ve been with this clinic for the last year.

I never thought they’d help me through as much as they have done. When I was first admitted, I had high hopes. I thought “this time next year,I’ll be cured”. Of course I’m not…..I still have a long way to go. But when I look back at my recovery process so far, I’ve come such a long way.

I don’t often reflect on my journey or congratulate myself on how far I’ve come. However, when I was admitted to my old rehab centre in 2016, I used to take up to 280 laxative pills every day. I didn’t start that programme because I wanted to… I did it because I knew my parents wanted me to.

But this time round I wanted to change. That’s the biggest difference. Since making that decision for myself I’ve managed to cut it down to just 20 pills.

Granted that’s still a lot, I still purge, restrict and I still feel guilty every time I eat. It’s the small victory’s in life though.

When I was discharged this afternoon, instead of being angry at myself that I’m not fully recovered yet, I was upset that I was leaving, scared that all my hard work would be undone, feeling alone in the world again.

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